What Made Maddy Run

 Tell me a story… about depression, anxiety, and mental health 

What Made Maddy Run: The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All-American Teen by Kate Fagan

Publishing date: August 1, 2017

Date read: July 7, 2021

Madison Holleran was the kind of girl who was successful at everything she tried. She was smart, beautiful, popular, and good enough at both soccer and track to be recruited by colleges. Her social media pages showed a happy 19-year-old, enjoying her freshman year at the University of Pennsylvania. But Maddy was struggling - both to keep up with her teammates on the track and with her undiagnosed depression. This book takes a look at not only Maddy’s struggles, but at the countless young adults today who face pressure to appear perfect to their peers online, even when they’re falling apart inside. 

This is one of the most important books I’ve read in a long time. A lot of people look at the “Millennials” generation as a joke - young people who spend all their times on their phones and who don’t know how to survive in the real world. (I use the "Millennials" definition loosely here, as many people include "Gen Z" in the definition as well, and this book is focused more on Gen Z, although the author falls into the Millennial generation.) But young adults these days have never known a life without the internet, and with that comes a social media persona. The pressure to always post good pictures and happy memories and smiling faces is ever-present. And the people looking at those pictures often feel the need to compete, showing only their own "happy" lives as well. For someone with depression, the pressures to fit in with what they're seeing on their friends social media can be daunting. 

Kate Fagan is probably one of the best people to be writing this book. She herself was a college athlete battling anxiety and depression, and only by having a coach that recognized her struggles as what they were did she avoid the same fate as Maddy. She presents Maddy's story, and the story of so many young college athletes, honestly and from an insiders perspective. There is no negative talk about "kids today" or talking about social media in a negative light. She just discusses how the lives of high school and college-age kids today are drastically different now from the way they were even a generation ago, and why this makes certain things harder and leads to an increase in cases of mental illness. 

I'm actually really glad that I read this book, because it gave me a good look at the way that young kids today are growing up in a digital world and how this changes the way they perceive the world and their place in it. As a mother of young children, I'm grateful for the perspective that it gave me into their lives going forward. 

I'm not going to lie - this is also a hard book to read. Fagan doesn't place any blame for what happened to Maddy. It was a number of factors, all leading up to her fateful decision to end her life. She had a lot of supportive people in her life, which makes her suicide all the more shocking and - I'm sure - difficult for her friends and family. This book was written with the blessing and assistance of Maddy's family, including interviews with friends and family members. It's heartbreaking at times, but it's an important story to hear. 

Overall, one of the most important books I think I've ever read, and very well-written. I give a lot of credit to Fagan for presenting Maddy's story in a way made a compelling book without sensationalizing anything. I'd recommend this book to anyone high school or college-aged, as well as the parents of anyone of college-age or younger. It gave me a lot to think about, and it's a story that will stick with me for a very long time. 

Rating: 5/5 stars

Trigger warning: suicide (on page, but not graphic)